MY BEAUTIFUL DOG BRIGHTY....

I miss her so much. Christian sent these ones last night. She is so beautiful and sweet. I am so missing her a lot.

RETREAT

I went for a much needed out of town retreat and shopping. I did not elaborate or told anyone where I went and what I did. They don't have to know and I need my privacy. It was an amazing day to knowing myself again.

I have opened my eyes to a more truthful way of dealing and embracing my reality. I know what to get rid off and avoid and am more clear now whom to trust or love more...or not. I am delighted of my questioning and fighting for things I don't agree with. There are situations and perceptions that is against my taste and liking. I know what to do now.

It is liberating when I learned that I don't have to go with the flow that is against my grain. I am my own woman... I shall dance in my own music and not be swayed by others selfish motives.
I am dedicating my life to learning something new everyday. I will leave what doesn't work. I am happy to let go off my insecurities and be the woman i really am.

A retreat for body, mind and spirit is the best thing I have done for myself in a long time. It is a great weekend of accepting, analyzing and renewing of me. I am more powerful than i thought I was and am exercising that spirited hopeful stronger woman's walk to a better reality and future.
I am, afterall, my own and only real person to really believe in.

To wear for Tuesday...

Found an older blog of mine...

http://sweetiehelen.blog.friendster.com/

Recession Depression Proof (your everyday life)

We have to get back to the basics. Stop depressing news from getting into your system and help yourself to remember these simple but effective ways of surviving.

STOP

1. shopping for wants that are not needed fo you to survive.
2. cooking so much food to avoid the risk of throwing it away
3. buying clothes every new season if you still have good quality decent clothes to wear.
4. buying and taking in junks such as junk foods, junk garage sale finds, free items etc.
5. paying others to clean and colour your own nails and hair. You can learn how to do it at home.
6. upping your friends and neighbors in terms on how you will dressed up and what you have. For all you know everybody is busy trying to up others to find time to even look at yours, too.
7. your ugly vice whatever it is such as smoking, drinking, wasting time gossiping, drugging and shopaholic ways and days.
8. negative talks and blaming people.
9. wasting energy in people who drags you down with their too much complaints and hatred with
whatever they have problem with
10....crying. Just scream and shout and exercise to release and just let go. Nothing here is permanent so take it easy..

Go

1. shop for what on sale in food items
2. learn and accept wearing/using used items may it be from you own closets or Value Village
3. use vinegar for most household use for cleaning, dieting and cooking
4. read books and lessen tv time.
5. have an automatic deposit to one dedicated account just for saving money like a piggy bank . All deposits...no withdrawals
6. learn to repair your own clothes. Sewing is simple to learn by hand or machine and it will help you prolong the use of all and any fabric items you might need some mending or hemming.
7. buy local, eat at home and bring own lunch
8. be aware in spending habits and be honestly budget concious
9. walk as much as possible going to shop,work or school. It lessens the stress ,makes you alert and saves the environment.
10. have lovely positive people surround you and your family...it gives out good vibes,good energy and good karma.
11. have beautiful sex with your partner(if you have one) and assure each other no matter what...you will hold and love each other.
12. Love each other. Have faith that lack of money won't dissolve your relationship with others.

My Time

I am sad that the one i care for is not giving me the attention and time that is just for me.
If the one you love is only with you in a day or a night on a weekend, won't you want that window of limited time be for you and him only?

I can not be selfish and I have no right to be...yet that time is mine and his. No kids should be in between and over us. I have no problem with other family members but him being so distracted and spending that closeness to them whom he lives with and wake up with every morning or talk with everyday on the phone is inconsiderate and selfish as it is.

It just proves that someone will be loved and chosen but it would not be me. I'M A BIG GIRL NOW THAT I CAN TAKE IT AND LIVE WITH IT! I just have more love and respect for myself now that I can not just smile and take being ignored and forgotten silently. It takes two to tango and I cannot dance the music of love if I am weeping and alone.

The beautiful thing about this is that I learn to be more open. I am more awake in my conciousness. I give more space for me to breath...and for me to move on.
My focus is not in a good place and it has to be cleared and tweaked. Afterall, I only have one chance to live and a long wait just be a on the sideline for 7 years, is no longer an option.

I think it is beautiful to learn from the lessons of the past and not let myself dragged to a long procession of hopeless romance. My time is precious and not having it in my moments is killing the future of a true unrequited love.

Have you fought for your time lately? Have you waited for as long as you can and still be sidelined? Do you feel like your existence at times is just for his convenience? Were you his priority? Can you wait more ?

I am not in a place of joy when this happens. I am moving to a different direction whether he follows me is his choice and not mine.

I am not afraid.

This is my time.