A FANTASTIC NEW YEAR TO ALL!

A FANTASTIC AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Have you made a list for your New Years resolutions of things to improved on or want to do and make do? I need to be consistent and be reminded. I want to focus and remain. I want the best of me to come out, all the time and so I have written about 25 of it. I hope you did yours, too.
Mine is a list of something i have to continuously remind myself to do, practice or maintain. I just want to make sure that i don't lose focus when I get busy,distracted and depressed. Some in my list are in practice for a long time. I just fall off the wagon sometimes when I feel defensive and hurt so much. I need to be more peaceful with whatever life throws which sometimes offsets my balance, integrity and faith.

For me, loving can be a big job when always in pain and disbelief. Believing and trusting can be blurry when things never seems to improve or change for the better and good. Working hard can be tiring when there is no fruitful outcome that comes back. Getting old is such a challenge that dying young is imagined at random. Every trial and fall backs are feeding me doubts and weakness when alone and forgotten. So what do I do? What is it that i will be physically and mentally inspired to keep and be proud of ? My flaws and mistakes and wrongdoings are a part and parcel of my being human...yet this is not what I was meant to be . This is not what God intended for me to take part of and be part off. I better get stronger and avoid whining, complaining and tearing myself apart. I made mistakes, I know my faults and I am ashamed of things that I said in furious outrage. I have lost my self in the midst of failures and defeats. I accepted the end of what seems to be great and the beginning of the new unknown.

Staying sane, peaceful and grounded inside is a still a walk on the rope...but I have to insist,persist and be in my best element as what I am designed to be. A woman who is mature, confident and loving...at peace with my decisions and failures...at peace with what I can and can not do...at peace with my failings yet remains in the running for what is good, what is right and what is kind.

This New Year , I decided to give myself a good look and a great break. I have to stop being gullible and trusting too much and yet I still have to learn to just trust without doubt.
I have to remember that being a grown up woman requires me to be much more trusting on my instinct and perceptions. I have to question, observe and analyze an opportunity that seems to be presenting itself to me. I have to trust yet I have to be assertive in giving up that trust.

A new me is only an improved ,wiser and stronger me. This new year seems to be more fitting to have these good deeds and thoughts put into everyday practice. What is your imperfections? What bothers you most? Do you need some tweaking, improving and redesigning of your belief, characters and manners? Isn't a NEW YEAR the best time to make these changes?

I know,for me it is. Nothing is wrong in realizing my best character potential especially when I know it's all in my hands, in my committed heart and mind, to fulfill what may,also be the keys to positive changes not just in my life but for others,too.

MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS OR IMPROVEMENT AGENDA

1. Be sweeter to my boys.
2. Stop talking too much
3. When offended & ignored do not retaliate by inflicting hurtful insults.
4. Be happier..for myself and others.
5. Be more responsible
6. Do not blame others.
7. Make a no-complaint days
8. Call mom or kids once a month
9. Be more forgiving
10. Get more sleep
11. Rekindle or create new fun hobbies
12. Change hairstyle/look
13. Go out and meet new people
14. Forget the past
15. Be the best I can Be
16. Dance and sing again
17. Learn new language
18. Stop being gullible,be assertive and mean what I say
19. Have family meeting once a week
20. Play guitar,trumpet or keyboard more often to learn more
21. Clean up and redecorate the whole house
22. Genuinely love and care those people who cares and love me truly
23. Give more
24. Accept defeat and be strong
25. LIVE LIFE and LIVE IT GOOD!

If and when I can learn, practice and/or maintain any of these then it is a victory and truly a FANTASTIC NEW YEAR!

CHRISTMAS CAROL FOR YOU!

http://www.newportharbor.us/video/merryxmas.swf

PEACE WE WISHED (On Christmas)

Gifts we want,need and envy
reflecting the light
there is none more
genuine, better and great

joy and beauty, we share
life, music and poetry
PEACE we all wished,
to come home someday

Foresee, mankind awake
hearts, thoughts and spirits
dancing the Christmas magic
everyday in every place.

God's faithful blessings
all ours to savor and praise
not just on December
but always and forever.

************************************************************************************

I wish you all PEACE.
As with peace comes love, contentment and quiet fulfilled heart.

May the Miracles of Christmas be with You and Your Loveones.

Comments from my readers and critics...

Thanks you guys for sending me messages of your understanding and whatever feelings you may be interested in sharing with me. Your comments are all welcome as blogging should be a 2 way street. Tell me what you think about what i wrote , my way or style, topics and my philosophy.

Your email and comments are what makes me more interested to write,be brutally honest and be a woman i should be. If you think you can add more for my readers and me to know,learn more and be wise then the better. After all, my experiences is much more on how i took it and ran with it rather than why i wrote it and who were in it.

Your say is as important for me in growing my muscles in writings and versing. I know you can be the better writer yet I am a free bird still pecking and building what I can thru writing my funny and sad yet interesting experiences. I can learn more and I can give more with your love,support and understanding of my pen's tortured ink.

Come now, be my guest and be interactive in my journey of letters, phrases and languages. This blog is yours to learn as well as mine.

Timely quotation for my present situation...

You must dare to disassociate yourself from those who would delay your journey... Leave, depart, if not physically, then mentally. Go your own way, quietly, undramatically, and venture toward trueness at last.

Vernon Howard

SURE, I did and I'm feeling better for daringly done it.

Losing my Zen and getting back again...

I have been very sensitive these days. I have no excuse yet I know my being tired and sad and feeling discarded is playing a major role with all my recent drama.

I am now tuning in again and doing the best to live my life in happier, joyful and non preferential/ judgemental state. I am guilty of being so acerbic in my words and not mincing it when my mind is feeling tortured and attacked. I know there is more to life to enjoy and seize. I am a practitioner of delight and fun yet sometimes I get loss in a shuffle of people who try to steal my energy and youth for their own convenience and pleasures.

I am at a loss during Christmas season and that is what it is. I have this sentimental upbringing of being altogether with loveones and decorating home to feel more joyous and excited for the yuletide season. I have been by myself with my 2 boys in Canada for 10 years and most of those celebrations were either by myself or with my 2 boys or few friends. My mom is in California and all my siblings are somewhere scattered in the world. I am not married and if there is any guy i should be with, is not anywhere near me. I am not having a warm hug and kisses from someone who I thought would really care and love me. There is no mature love, a partner to enjoy the winter and wine...and laughter and food with my children.

My life is tricky at best pathetic yet many adventures can not be exchange for any currency. The excitement and some adventures are all fleeting,unplanned yet such great memories. I can not and will not want to plan what I already experienced. I like having something fresh, new, excitable and yet solid in it's offer. I want a joy i can hold on long after the experience is gone. It is part of my unique look and feel of the intricacies and complexity of some of my behavior, decisions and reality. I am not stopping my search for the genuine peace and love I can share. When I give love I find comfort, quietness and serenity in my life. When I am loved I live with contentment, joy and peace. When i am alone and forgotten ...am a little girl crying, hurting and longing...and these days, fighting.

I am praying and working harder than ever. I am healing my own wounded hope and wishes for a better life and partner. I maybe abandoned but i can not allow to get loss too far that I can not recognize the right way towards my victorious survival of life's impossible task and test over and over again.

I have to fulfill what I am meant to do in this world. Being sissy, weak and coward is not part of that. I know my calling and listening to it will make me the woman and person that I am to be. Today ,am taking back my Zen, clear my mind and be the beat in my heart's championing of new world and new strength for a new beginning...again.

Reality is only tricky if you are not a part of the excitement. I want to be generating that energy and focus my love to what is real and authentic. I can see clearly now. Please join me in my growing understanding of what life is when there seems to be none. Falling back is just another reason to strengthen my body, my mind and me.