Past love and an open door...

It's always good to forgive especially ourselves.

I have been fooled and cheated on and what do I do? I forgive...always. Then one time came, I read the words self-respect. It resonated on my humbling reaction to people who hurt me and keeps on hurting me or what I have been building all along. What the heck?

This time I gave back a genuine  sneering aching remark. The forgiveness is a given but I will not face the same situation with grief dying inside me. It does not feel good yet it feels right and elation poured on me after the shock. Finally,I am giving my self-respect a stand on this incident and plan to continue to do so. It is not right to be cheated on over and over again especially when you both know you keep each other alive and inspired for many years. At least don't let me catch it! What is wrong with me? I asked to myself and to him...or it's all just him. I think that the story has run it's course. There is no more well to dig and the well we have, dried up...so to speak. I miss the company but despise the lies and the madness of a shouting man.

Now, I am forgiving myself for being an idiot and stupid for allowing this person to have wasted the love and care given to where there is no hope and commitment. Yes, no commitment is passable but no respect is a total mischief. Anyway, a volatile relationship can only last so long.

I am glad I never closed my door.Now, I am dancing with joy again. Let's see where it leads me.

As My job loss come to the third month...i decided to squeeze what the lemon offered me.> freedom, liberty and enjoying the art of doing nothing.

When life throws you a lemon…make a lemonade of it!

         

Wednesday was cruel, exhausting and renewing at the same time.

Wednesday was cruel, exhausting and renewing at the same time.

I was handed an offer for a severance or choose to be retained as part-time worker.

I have learned time and again that  good work, dedication and belief in the company is never sufficient to somehow be acknowledge as a contributor and loyal associate and great sales force that were good to keep. It is a great five years cut short by corporate changing ways in saving money.

I did not like shedding tears that time but it is necessary to let it go on that spot. It is like bathing out the bad dream and allowing the people who delivered it to witness if not experience the agony of the decision they made. I am not going to rebel of the loss insurance that comfortably comes with that job though it was an important slice. I am not going to miss the non-acknowledgement of what I brought to the company but the joy from the company of people I like working with.

It is half of intake and less the health insurance. It is big but not big enough to rattle and depressed my situation. I am sad of the thought for not having much time in seeing my work family and kind customers yet there is a feeling of relief and a long heave of sigh that I felt. The freedom from less work is the most important thing for me. My artistic brain has been languishing in an environment that has not much creativity to spark me and now it is an open road again.

How do I look at it without much stress? Well, there is Cover Me by Manulife that I can join in to continue my health insurance policy. To think, I worked as part time for 11 years before I got that full time-sucking-life-boring-brain-numbing job, it is what I just needed to do. Seriously, we are talking about retail work for which after a month I pretty much know most if not all of the job needed to be done.

I am now in the talk with two company for possible on call or part time work. I can start my crafty days again and hoping to write as much as I can. Travelling and visiting people I think about. Home works are never done so this lazy days will be busy days.

It is perplexing how they seems to be scared or too careful of the people they are trying to kick or bargain into cheap labor. I think if you have been good enough to people in your company, people will leave with gratitude and more understanding. I would love to go back as a part-time because it is less about the money. I have some good years notwithstanding the low pay.

I and the boys have a great support and a few great friends who offer love, laughter and some company to talk with about life. I know I am loved and I am just glad that my mother called at the perfect time. Turns out, I have everything I need.

AS always, have faith and choose happiness!

                                                                                                   

                                               I have these little mantras I keep in my heart…..

                            Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment

                                                           DO what makes you happy!

                                 Worrying is a total waste of time. It does not change anything.

                               All it does is steal your joy and keep you very busy doing nothing.

Authentic Marquise Hand Bag Made in Japan Black Leather

I am into classic vintage style/look bags especially when it is the real deal. Found it this on Ebay but will not buy ($100). I have an almost similar Franco Sarto Black Hand and I never used it. I am thinking now to use all my kept bags and pull them out of the closet and their dust bags.After all, it saves me from shopping for new ones.

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Becoming us...realizing our own life by our own accounts.

I woke up very early because Eddi had an amazing light bulb moment that he can't wait to share and discuss with me ,half awake and half asleep until I decided to get up and soak on what he was excited about...that people don't really know what they truly want because the society had push an expectation from the start. We are manipulated, groomed or swayed to do things that others perceived we are great at, when we can be more than that and what we truly want to explore was tainted with doubt,forgotten and loss amongst the premise of what others surrounding us are approving of, wanting and expecting us to embody...until we grow up and realized that is not who we are if the choice is truly ours. I agree...and that is life...until someone(we) learns to live a life free of self-doubt ( having the tools needed ), we will all have tried to be what we thought we are expected to be decidedly by our own false perception rooting from others point of view.

Discarding the Old Habit

MONEY
There is power in numbers and we must be holding it not the other way around.
I am guilty of some disgruntled days of whipping credit cards to get the next bargain. I guess, it's true...sometimes when you get so tired of being strict to your budget , you just go liberate yourself of the ties.
Maybe the littlest extra money I have, I save and spend at the same time. Maybe because I want to live comfortably but hungry enough not to stop saving and working for my future.

STUFF
I am so slow with all my clearing and organization as I  find it uneasy letting go of things I tried to accumulate but then I don't want to be a hoarder just a keeper of what's good.. I need help, big time. I try,,,tried harder..and still trying. This year I am going to really do the BEST...like really. I love decorating and some designing but I am hoping to get some assistance from my boys. They don't want to deal with my mess or theirs...it's chaos...then I try again and again.I am hopeful as I have two strong hands and my spirit is on fire. Discarding the old habits that restricts me from moving swiftly is the first thing in my to-do list.

FOOD

I just learned that we ,Canadians are the worst in the world as water and food wasters. We throw quarter of the food we buy. I can see that sometimes happening in my kitchen and addressing it more thoughtfully  will be my new other focus for this year.Eat out the food in the fridge...and then  make a list of what we regularly eat that will not be discarded again.There are many reasons but there are no excuses.


More info on Food Waste
http://www.worldvision.ca/Education-and-Justice/advocacy-in-action/Pages/what-a-waste-the-food-we-throw-away.aspx

New Year, Blogging and Women

New Year...a new adventure, hopes and many more journey to the unknown is my pleasure to march on and about. I am maturing and any doubt about many things are no more. I can not be so sure all the time with other things and people but I am sure of myself and what I want and need. I know that every new year is a new energy and new lessons tucked in my thoughts and awareness.
My resolutions are the continuation of all my good wishes from the past and more effort to do much better for the things I was complacent about, like regular blogging

It is true the blogging  is a selfish act. It is nothing but a personal thoughts, self serving and a personal imaginary shrink yet it is,just as much a lesson to those who peeks, a study for the curious and a lighthouse to the loss. It is written words of one person's collected experience, feeling, reaction and solutions that others can relate, avoid or reroute their journey to.It is not the answer but an idea or concept that can be applied to same or similar situation.

I hope to blog at least once a month or more as life is much busier than that. There are many thoughts, steps and wishes to be written about before my fingers become much stiffer and painful. Life is what makes me blog and I am still full of it so does my blog should be.

Tonite, I watched the GOLDEN GLOBE awards and Anne Hathaway is such a woman full of passion and honesty which i wish all woman will embody. After all, it is a great time to be a woman. As one...this blog generated my spirit to be of courage and strength.

Cheers to all the woman in  the world who is proudly asserting  and standing for their freedom, rights and yet remains feminine, nurturing and forgiving.

Merry Christmas!

Everyday is special...yet there are days that makes it much more celebrated. It is Christmas time and asking ourselves of the strength of our faith is very timely and appropriate...and this is that time of the year where we are connecting deeper and genuinely to each other. I thank God for Christ was born and I have Christmas to celebrate his birthday. This is my favorite time of the year and I am so blessed to celebrate it with happy and healthy body and mind.
Thank you all for reading my blogs and to all....GOD BLESS AND GOOD LUCK!!!

Merry  Christmas ,indeed!

LIVE FREE AND HAPPY!

Yes,many things has happened and I went thru many crying nights...and happier days yet I was not writing  it just because i was living it. I have a little bit of time now and little snippets of what gathered my strength from those many days of weakness and surviving with great hurrah is listed below.

1. Once you asked God for help...TRUST
Better stop reeling your brain in how to go about it, too much, in details...He is faithful and will be there to to help.

2. Once you have given your deepest concern to HIM...Let it go.
You have given it to HIM so why be sitting on it? Let God do his job and do yours accordingly. So stop worrying.

3. Be prayerful, hopeful and forgiving
Love is truly the answer.

4. Take care of yourself in the middle of the  storm
So when the 'fox' (problems/worries) tries to eat you up.....it can't.

5. Believe
In the good ...and the best is yet to come. Make your every new day your very best day. Who is going to give that great good day to us but ourselves ? Believe that all these trials shall pass and shall be forgotten...and survived.

6. Feel the pain...but stop yourself from bleeding.
It is all in the  reaction to what is presented to us...not the actual reality of what could it be. It is how we carry it and solve or resolve the concern which makes us wiser, stronger and pass this test with much less grief, quickly.

7. Love yourself first
...and anything that bothers you or concerns you is easier to tackle...because you are loved by yourself that you have become focus and deliberate in your attack and resolutions to all that ails your everyday living.

8. CUT the dead limbs... release that lagan of  your buoy... stop the dripping poison
Stay afloat...be free and be real to yourself and all the people that truly concerns you. If you stay true to your personal being and authentic to what you need, you will be a genuine survivor and winner to all life's obstacles.Get rid of or avoid what does not work...and hurt...and anything that tries to kill your spirit.
LIVE FREE AND HAPPY!

Your Lifestyle...FALSE IMAGE OR REAL YOU?

Okey, I am really getting tired of this recession and too much spending accusation that's going on everybody's life. Let's just face it that most people now live in what we call "progressive" way of living. I buy a new smartphone just because there is something new...nothing wrong with what I have yet I get suck into buying and owning the newest gadget. Reasons of course could be from THAT "I can afford it"  to "I am cool and it's just what's expected of my image".
Lifestyle (sociology), the way a person lives to one's own ability 
as I seriously looked at it's meaning ...it just made me cringe knowing that it is most wrongly  practiced by the jobless, students or family that are struggling in paying their bills.What is it that makes the wearing of branded clothing and owning the latest makes it okey being more acceptable and a magnet for friends and admiration? Why is it such a barometer of who and what the person can be? Why are we buying these stuff to be happy, feel happy and look happy? 
 Let us go to the second hand shops or the car wreckers lot....and look at all and everything we can see in there. Let us look at them as if they were still new....those now unwanted, old and used or broken things were once somebody's dream.  These just becomes a file of junk in time. Yes, nothing stays forever in terms of these tangible items so why build your hopes and ruin your finances pursuing them haphazardly? Why not be happy with what we have that works and enjoy it longer before discarding them. Whys not build your love for the person you want to buy the car for before spoiling them with material goods. Wouldn't it be better to build your pennies in a jar(money in your bank)? Celebrate the rise of your coins and be not scared in spending because you won't owe anybody. 


Let us go back to some commonsense way of life. These here will be a some common sense way to start over again.


Clothing...shoes and bags
1. Used it until you change your size, your job or your age ( to be appropriate)
2. Learn to repair
3. Buy second hand...and sell your used,unneeded clothes and accessories
4. Learn to love what you have and wear/ use it.
5. Accept used clothes when given/gifted.
6. Fix it, fix it fix it and use it.
7. If its' too much...to bear...to keep...to maintain...DONATE or Sell.


Transportation
1. Lease
2. Buys preloved cars with certificates
3. Use the public transportation as much as you can or better walk if not too far.
4. Ask friends to lend you a hand when you need to pick up bigger items or needed to go elsewhere.
5. Biking is a healthy way to go around the city.


Food
1. Buy on sales
2. Cook just the right amount or less.
3. Eat raw or fresh...it's quicker


There are so many online information....but we still have to be reminded as we always go back to being a spoiled brat and forgetting how it feels having more money in the pocket,more love ones without paying for their attention, better sleep because there are no unpaid/exorbitant bills to be looked into in the next mail.
The can afford image only works for the really rich and Hollywood actors whose got millions to pay for it. Wake ups friends...start shopping in your closets and clean up your bikes and sneakers...we can afford these in our  wiser tighter ways.

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Take this quiz!

Giving and Clearing for my Prosperity

I am making so many adjustments on my way to a more improved and wiser me. This massive clean up at home is taking a toll on my social life yet it's worth it. I have been so focus on beautifying and editing my material possessions and it made me realize how so deep in doodoo,am I, in terms of organization. I am so confuse and needs much more effective strategy than what I know now.

I started( and still doing it) with donating,throwing and stopped buying stuff. I have more in the storage that needed to be thrown not kept. I found so many vhs,a couple of skateboards, shoes(LOTS), curtains,blankets and fabrics etc..
I am selling some, wearing some and giving away most. WOW! I truly enjoy more space and freedom.Just imagine yesterday I went to see some shoes on sale but did not buy any and when i went home and  visited my storage, my shopping was fulfilled. I have about 5 more summer slip on and sandals that are barely used and new. This wardrobe shopping within the home always works. I found about 7 towels so i have to get rid and send those back home. I found out that I have so many that I am sending and giving away those over 3 yrs old nice ones that is not my taste or size anymore. Really have to look at each one of them and realize..."geeesh, I don't wear this anymore, I like bigger baggier ones now that those fitted shirts".

It is so good to be able to finally(...and ongoing) clearing a lot of stuff that made my home feels like a chaos more than a place to retire and feel peaceful and serene. I know this yet I was not doing my best and I know that more now that I have seen tons of stuff get out of my door.

I remember when I was new here and don't have anything. It started with filling up and buying items i needed at home then it went from need to want. I, surely know how to constrict my shopping habit but was hard to pass up a bargain or a sale. NOW...these sales are not making me budge to shell out my hard-earned money.
I have most of what an average single mom has to survive and thrive and more. I would shop seasonally only when needed especially for kids. My walking to work everyday and cooking at home saves me some cash. My kids' wearing uniform is a big plus and that they don't succumb to trends. My son don't buy games instead they play online freegames and we don't watch movie at the theater as often anymore. We watch free movies online.

I seriously looked at  my situation and work out a sweat on managing it more intelligently. My disorganization is something I am trying to work on (forever...) and hoping to leave behind with all those mess I threw out in the trash. Reminding myself often that it is not going to kill me if I just let it go. It is a journey and falling back is easy but seeing what it depressingly does to me is a good teacher and compass to get me on track. Yes, drastic change for me is good because I am so tired and ashamed of acting like a turtle bumping around those unnecessary, unloved and unneeded materials that is blocking my own prosperity road. Come to think of it I don't have to stay home anymore just to keep on cleaning..and that is enough reward for good ol' me.

Once in while , i try my luck with these lotteries...very seldom yet after knowing these trickery from the organizers, I will not want to spend my dollars with these type of raffles.

http://lotterysquirrel.com/2012/02/08/what-only-122-prizes-on-the-2012-canadian-cancer-society-daffodil-daily-lottery/comment-page-1/#comment-6695

Consciousness saves me from being angry  and holding me back. I am not easily angered by anything anymore. I am happy to be back where I was...when i had no care of the pain that other peoples action triggered in me. It is all but negative energy. The pain could be felt but my dealing with it drains it out as quickly it surfaces.
It is more love  openly and generously. Ego is not a thing I partner with and nurture and it is an amazing everyday experience.
I laugh off the the things that i see then that would have been an offence of others to the pride and ego that is just taking precious space in my spirit.
I am  in the process of being genuinely mature spiritually. I am still in the journey and the releasing of fear releases the  true joy  i  love dancing with.

LIFE IS SHORT!!!!

SO TRUE!!!

Falling Whistles by Falling Whistles | HOLSTEE

Falling Whistles by Falling Whistles | HOLSTEE

we must be more conscious of other struggles....

TRAVELLING LIGHT IS THE WAY TO GO!

http://www.onebag.com/